USA vs. England: Soccer Sex Edition

Soccer players like to score.

By Brian Beckner:

By now everyone knows about English national soccer team captain John Terry sexing-up teammate Wayne Bridge’s girl. And now word has come down that Terry’s proclivity for multiple behind-the-back shots on goal have cost him his captaincy. Do they have to unstitch that cool “C” from his sweater now, or is that a different TV-impaired, scoring- free, niche Euro-sport?

Of course England (not sure whether it’s North or South England, but it’s definitely one of the Englands) is freaking out because soccer’s yearly World Cup thingy is about to start and inter-team skank coveting doesn’t bode well for a team’s chances in one of the bigger tournaments in the soccer world. But really what is England so worried about? These guys are pros; they should be strong enough mentally to overcome a bit of pettiness over one player shagging another player’s special lady. It’s not like they were going to win anyway. Plus, there’s always next year, right?

As odd as the situation seems it is actually eerily familiar to the travails of another international soccer powerhouse, the United States of America.

From the AP:

Breaking more than a decade of silence, former U.S. coach Steve Sampson says he dropped John Harkes two months before the 1998 World Cup because the captain was having an affair with the wife of teammate Eric Wynalda.

Harkes has long denied having an affair with Amy Wynalda.

There you go Britain. Once again the United States has to show you how things are done. Our guys were getting their bang on with their teammate’s wives way back in 1998. Even better, you now have your road map for how not to handle this situation.

Hey, what are your plans for after the game?

Back then US coach Steve Sampson booted the offending wife slayer from the squad. Big mistake. The team went on to finish winless and dead last in the tournament. Of course we’re America, and we only care about real football so no one noticed. Literally this is the first it’s been discussed anywhere. But the lesson for England is clear. It’s a mistake to dump your guy. Taking away his frilly “C” doesn’t diminish his stature in the dressing room. His stature in the bedroom, however, is definitely beyond reproach.

Whether he holds the official title or not, Terry is still the team captain. If the rest of the team looked up to him before, they really respect him now. Dude is a competitor. Sure he could have had pretty much any chick around, but he wanted to snatch up another bloke’s bird. Isn’t this just the competitive nature of the athlete? It’s called leadership. Sex first and ask questions later. Sure it’s your buddy’s gal, but at this point he’s just collateral damage. Plus, if he’s any kind of competitor he’s looking to return fire with your wife, sister, mother or grandmother. Turnabout is fair play. Nothing a friendly pint at the pub won’t resolve, right Wayno? Nothing brings a team together like a good natured crack at the tenth commandment. This should be England’s rallying cry, their impetus to win it all.

Disagree? Listen to Wynalda’s reaction to his sancho-slash-teammate getting booted for excessive wood laying on his teammate’s wife.

Again from AP:

"I'm calling it an inappropriate relationship. It was a major contributor to why I'm no longer married," said Wynalda, a father of three who separated from his wife in 2003 and then divorced.

Wynalda said that when Sampson informed him in the spring of 1998 that he was dropping Harkes, Wynalda tried to persuade the coach to change his mind. Sampson didn't recall such a conversation, but said that doesn't mean it didn't take place.

"At that time, I felt that he was still a player that could help our cause and he was still one of the best 22 players in our country," Wynalda said.

Hall of Fame for what?

See, Wynalda knows. Sure his buddy was keeping his bed warm with the old lady, but he was also a good player. At the end of the day it’s about winning. Nobody knows that better than America. American soccer may lack the violence and mayhem of its European and South American counterparts, but never let it be said that the players aren't as unscrupulous and depraved as their foreign counterparts. Stripping Terry’s captaincy is absolutely the wrong move in this situation. And with the two nations set to face off in South Africa, look for America to set the tone one the field, err, pitch, the same way they do in the sack (and in that little Revolutionary War thing that popped off a couple centuries back) - USA 1, England 0, err nil.

You’re welcome England.

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Dunleavy Out As Clippers Coach #NBA

Dunleavy enjoying another night on the job with the Clippers.

Everyone knows the Clippers have been awful for, well, forever. It has been written about, talked about, and dissected for years. But perhaps the most stunning example of their ineptitude is the fact that Mike Dunleavy, who resigned yesterday as head coach, is the winningest coach in franchise history, despite being 110 games under .500 in his Clippers career.  He walks away from the sidelines with not only the most wins in Clipper history, but also a promising career as a Tony Soprano stunt double.

The bar is set so low for the Clippers that Dunleavy lasted 7 years in LA despite only making one playoff appearance and banking a single winning season. And it isn’t even his fault. You try doing something with the Clippers. The franchise doesn’t have a black cloud hanging over the team, they have a hurricane.

Blake Griffin’s knees probably started aching the second he saw the Clippers win the lottery. It isn’t bad luck that Griffin got hurt as much as it it standard operating procedure. It’s what they do.

Dunleavy leaves as coach, remains as the team’s GM, and gets to keep his front row seat to the biggest disaster in all of pro sports.

Eric Gordon, Marcus Camby, Chris Kaman and Blake Griffin are all players. Baron Davis is a highly effective NBA player when he cares about trying. None of this matters. They are the Clippers.

Take me to the Bing!

Until they perform and exorcism, sacrifice a chicken at center court before each game, or something, none of this is ever going to change. Mike Dunleavy did the best he could and a man can only take so much before it is time to move on. He may have not been the best coach in NBA history (he definitely wasn’t), but he could have been some whack combination of Red Auerbach, Pat Riley and Phil Jackson and the Clippers still wouldn’t have been able to overcome their bad mojo.

Dunleavy should move onto a more realistic challenge like fixing General Motors or creating jobs. It would be a hell of a lot easier than trying to get the Clippers over the hump.

The Replay With Sean and John

Each week we get the opportunity to chat live with Sean and John of Houston's 1560, The Game. Click here for the replay.

Which Sport is Bombing its Player’s Vehicles? Here’s a Hint: it’s Soccer

By Brian Beckner:

Look who’s at it again. A professional athlete had his vehicle FIRE BOMBED in front of his own home. Is there any question as to what sport this individual plays? Major League Baseball? Water polo? Jai alai? The CFL? Tennis? Okay enough with the games, everyone knows it’s soccer. Seriously Soccer, Tony Mandarich’s dog thinks this is an over-the-top reaction.

From the LA Times:

DaMarcus Beasley, the former Galaxy and Chicago Fire player and current U.S. international, was the target of vandalism this week when his car was firebombed and destroyed.

The incident took place on Monday night, when Beasley, who plays for the Glasgow Rangers in the Scottish Premier League, was at his home in the fashionable Dowanhill section of Glasgow.

It's downhill from here.

Only in soccer would they call a car bombing “vandalism.” In real sports this would be considered an act of terrorism or attempted murder. But for soccer, and more importantly European soccer, this is a ho hum, run-of-the-mill, everyday occurrence. Is there a European soccer player that hasn’t had his car fire bombed? Really, the night before games you can set your watch by the anticipatory car bombings. Remember this is a sport that tolerates overt racism from its fans, a sport where rival fans are literally caged into different sections of the stadium.

More from the LA Times:

Glasgow police said Beasley's car was the only one on the street to be targeted, but they had no immediate explanation for the attack.

The motivation could have been either sectarian or racial in nature, but could also be another instance of thuggish behavior that has become increasingly common in Britain.

Four other Rangers players have recently had cars vandalized.

What exactly is going on in soccer fans lives that they have the time and motivation to stalk and terrorize athletes? To think that this was likely planned and executed by multiple perpetrators truly boggles the mind. Sure, there could always be one insane person, but how does he find a willing accomplice? How is it possible that this event was the result of multiple human brains? MMA fan thinks soccer fan lacks culture.

Isn’t Scotland an alleged first world country? Glasgow isn’t exactly Bogota or Baghdad. Sure, they fancy an occasional whisky, but no one is that drunk. DaMarcus Beasley had previously played professional soccer in the US (breaking news: they play professional soccer in the United States) and never had these types of problems. Only in Europe or anywhere else they play soccer.

Hey Europe, you are aware that it’s just a freaking game, right? It might be hard to tell since most other games include, you know, scoring? But save that for another time. Sports are supposed to be a respite from real life, not a reason to commit capital crimes. Stop taking your “sport” so seriously. You’re not a member of the team. They don’t owe you anything. Sometimes teams win and sometimes they lose. It’s not life and death; don’t turn it into life and death. Are your lives that empty? Maybe a hobby would help? Here’s a better idea, find gainful employment. Get off the dole. People with jobs tend to have less time to plan vicious property crimes. Another idea, please don’t reproduce. Chances are you will pass this predilection for delusional violence to future generations. And most importantly leave the professional athletes alone, that goes for the soccer players too.

Mickelson Bags ‘Cheater’ Wedge #PGA

The 'L' is for cheater.

Phil Mickelson will not have his old ‘new’ wedge in his bag this week in LA. Mickelson says he will not bring his square grooved Ping wedge to Riviera, the same wedge that led to him being called a cheater by Scott McCarron (yes you did Scott) in San Diego.

From ESPN.com:

"Out of respect for [the players], I do not want to have an advantage over anybody, whether it's perceived or actual," Mickelson said on Wednesday. "So this week, I won't be playing that wedge. My point has been made."

Huh? Let’s take a look at that statement. Respect for the players? I have talked to players and you are disliked by a large majority of them because they feel that you do not respect them. So, nice try there. You don’t want either a ‘perceived or actual advantage’? What? This wasn’t a perception issue. You wouldn’t have thrown a 20 year old club into your bag to get a ‘perceived’ edge. You put it in the bag because it worked and it gave you a significant advantage over a player without the club. Again, nice try.

Does this shirt make my nipples look big?

As far as ‘your point being made’, what point is that again? That you tried to skirt a rule with a loophole and that it's all about you? That point? Or was the point that you didn’t stick to your guns when people started to say you were a cheater? You either knew it wasn’t right and thought you could skate, or you truly believe it is OK and you leave it in your bag.

Another example of Mickelson being about Mickelson and not much else. He wasn’t making a point, he was taking advantage and the second it looked bad, he stopped doing it. I would have a lot more respect for the guy had he decided to stick with the wedge and forced the Tour to act rather than issue some ridiculous statment and pretend that he was part of the solution instead of the problem.

Way to go golf. Now both of your biggest stars are cheaters and of low moral character.