2010 AL Central Preview

At least the Indians logo isn't offensive.

By Brian Beckner:

Spring training baseball is popping off and while there are literally only three or four teams that even have a remote opportunity to win the World Series, it’s fun to acquiesce to delusion and preview them all as though they do in fact have a chance.

Let’s start with the least interesting of all the MLB divisions and one certain not to produce the 2010 World Series champion, the American League Central.

Minnesota Twins - The Twins are “that” team. With a payroll in the bottom third of the league, they operate with a philosophy that allows them to compete with the big boys despite a lesser competitive position in the financial marketplace. The Twins use superior scouting, deft roster management and the shrewd field generalship of red-assed manager Ron Gardenhire to contend more consistently than any other “small market” club. That’s the good news for the people of the Minneapolis-Saint Paul metro area. The bad news is that “competitive” means making the playoffs in odd numbered years only to get your ass kicked by the Yankees. Five words: opening day starter, Carl Pavano. Five more words: 2011 Yankees catcher, Joe Mauer.

The Yankees are offering how much?

Detroit Tigers - Manager Jim Leyland started the spring by getting run over by a golf cart, but if 300 years and 3 million Camel Non Filters couldn’t kill the guy, an electric vehicle certainly didn’t have a chance. Miguel Cabrera has apparently stopped trying to kill himself with alcohol which is good because besides being extremely puffy, Cabrera the alcoholic only managed to hit .324/.396/.547 with 34 home runs last season. Imagine what Cabrera might do sober and still only 27-years-old? The Tigers loaded up on pitchers during the off-season including netting Phil Coke in the deal for Curtis Granderson. Better relief pitcher name that also references illegal drugs: Guillermo Mota (William Weed), Phil Coke or Steve Howe?

Chicago White Sox - The best part of the Southsiders inevitable season of suckitude? Ozzie Guillen has a Twitter. Assuming GM Ken Williams doesn’t fire him a week into the season, this could be really good. Jake Peavy will probably go down with a shattered sacroiliac, leaving Mark Buehrle to carry the club with his typical nine no hitters and seven perfect games none of which clock-in at more than 47 minutes. The White Sox also acquired Juan Pierre and signed Andruw Jones, on purpose. And, no kidding, they’re paying Omar Vizquel…to play baseball. Rumor has it that they’re looking to shore up the pitching staff with late signings Ferguson Jenkins and Walter Johnson. Somebody get Alexei Ramirez a sandwich.

Cleveland Indians - They were way better in Major League. Honestly, they could put Tom Berenger behind the dish, that dude from LA Law at third, the Allstate guy could bat cleanup and it might mean two games in the standings. Maybe? Even Russell Branyan thinks that when your big off-season acquisition is Russell Branyan, you’re probably not looking at a deep playoff run. Ladies and gentleman: center fielder for your 2012 New York Yankees, Grady Sizemore. Can they just release this season straight to DVD?

Kansas City - Is it considered a win to finish ahead of Cleveland? Zack Greinke pitching for the Royals might be the biggest waste of talent since Portia de Rossi switched teams. The Royals actually have lots of young dudes with something to prove, unfortunately they’re sitting and watching guys like Scott Podsednik, Jose Guillen and (seriously?) Jason Kendall. Will MLB require that the Royals return revenue sharing for decades of competitive indifference? One word: relegation.