JaMarcus Russell: Draft and Belt Bust #NFL

By Brian Beckner:

It has been widely reported that NFL lump JaMarcus Russell is soon to be ex-NFL lump JaMarcus Russell, and if tradition holds, eventually broke ex-NFL lump JaMarcus Russell.

But word comes now, that Mount JaMarcus NFL “career” may have a glimmer of hope. It looks like the Raiders are trying to cut the fat (hey oh!) but first they want some of JaMarcus’s dough (yes!).

From ProFootballTalk.com:

So what's going on? It looks like the Raiders are biding their time in the hopes of building a case for recovering some of the money previously paid to Russell -- or possibly shutting off the $3 million in guaranteed money he's due to receive in 2010.

But there's a risk of welcoming Russell to minicamp. If, for example, he tears a patellar tendon, he'll be owed the full amount of his $9.45 million salary.

So you’re saying there’s a chance? The Raiders will probably allow JabbaMarcus to cruise through minicamp with limited activity while they try to recover some of the cake he’s been siphoning from Al Davis’ teat over the past three years. But what if he gets hurt? If FlabMarcus somehow finds his way into a drill as a tackling dummy or an oversized blocking sled, then he can collect the whole of his 2010 salary. And really how great would that be? Jason Campbell running around the field trying to get the Raiders to 8-8 and some form of respectability and JowlsMarcus on the sideline in his full-length white mink texting his donuts order to his personal pastry chef.

This needs to happen. Let this be a call to any and all with access to the Raiders training facility, the time has come to scatter a few banana peels. If someone happens to drop a few loose ball bearings near JaHungry’s locker, so be it. And if it’s close to the end of camp and Russell has miraculously escaped catastrophic injury someone needs to creep up behind him on all fours while a co-conspirator (preferably with access to some heavy equipment) gives JaCrunchBerries a hearty shove. A short fall for a man of that girth is certain to result in a separated shoulder at the very least.

While old number 2 (interesting fact: his uniform number actually references the number of entrees, appetizers, desserts, cheese plates, other desserts and carafes of whole milk he consumes in an average restaurant sitting) will never play in a Pro Bowl or a Super Bowl (Grey Cup?), there’s still a chance that Al Davis will be paying his monthly cheesecake stipend for at least the foreseeable future.

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