Weekend Wrap: World Cup, Dugout Fights, Mike Vick, Fedor and Who’s this Danica Patrick?

Weekend Round-Up by Brian Beckner

World Cup - It sure was fun while it lasted, huh? USA soccer was one and done in the knockout round of the 2010 FIFA World Cup falling to vaunted west African soccer super power Ghana. Now, with soccer soon to resume its third-tier status in the states, USA wunderkind Landon Donovan is acting like a real big leaguer by allegedly fathering an illegitimate child before ultimately making his way to a place where soccer is actually popular.

Baseball fights – The dog days are here, and when your team’s playing out a string there’s only so much hotel lobby strange and clubhouse light beer that can ease the tension of evenings spent playing bad baseball. This means fights. And some heavyweights went at it this weekend.

Carlos Zambrano is like baseball’s version of Ron Artest, but with a whole lot more anger and gallons of unpredictability. This guy sprinkles crazy on his corn flakes, and after looking to trade hands with, well, pretty much his entire team, he’s not far from a second career bat fighting Jose Offerman on an independent league mound somewhere in the Midwest. Three words: Pay Per View.

If the Rays aren’t in the midst of being no hit, center fielder BJ Upton is cadillacing an opposing player’s sure double into a stand-up triple, and for third baseman and former Long Beach State Dirtbag Evan Longoria that can’t go unacknowledged. Look for these dudes to scrap again in the future, before Upton ultimately gets dealt to the Twins for an aging middle reliever.

Some MMA guy lost - Fedor Emelianenko, who supposedly is the toughest dude around despite not competing in the league that supposedly has all the toughest dudes. Anyways, another tough guy got him around the neck which will happen when you’re fighting a dude with like 43 black belts, except nobody thought it would.

Golf - This golf thing is kind of lame these days with Tiger Woods being unbelievably average without all that good extra marital sexing, but there’s hope. His name is Bubba Watson. He won in a playoff this weekend and he totally looks like that guy Kenny, you used to buy weed from in high school.

Mike Vick - Mike Vick had a 30th birthday party where one of his dog fighting co-defendants caught some lead in a dispute over cake. Cake. A dude got shot in a fight over cake. Vick is not considered a suspect. He’s also not considered an NFL quarterback.

Danica Patrick Crashed – At what point can we erase Danica Patrick from our collective consciousness? Does five years ago work for everybody? She wrecked this weekend, which is a pretty common occurrence in auto racing, but since she’s a girl we have to know about it.

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