Way To Go, Fellas

By Chris Temple:

Congress never ceases to amaze me. There is no valid reason not to like the Blackhawks and it's fantastic that they are in possession of Lord Stanley's Cup, but should these crusty old white dudes really be wasting what's left of my tax dollars passing resolutions to congratulate a rag tag crew of Canadian farm boys?

It seems to me that they have more important things to deal with such as giving themselves raises, taking taxpayer funded sex vacations, pretending not to steal my money, and teaching interns how to properly humidify Cohibas?

Do we really need one of these ridiculous resolutions anytime a team wins a championship? If hockey qualifies, where exactly is the line drawn? Is American hero Joey Chestnutt going to be hosted in the Rose Garden? Is that tremendously well-adjusted, perpetual virgin, home schooling victim that won the spelling bee going to get a bridge erected in his honor?

As a native Chicagoan who happens to like the Blackhawks and a dude that pays taxes, I admire the five "no" votes. Of course three of them came from Philadelphia’s sphere of influence and that's to be expected seeing as how Philly fan wants to export his misery to places where things like "hope" and "possibility" still exist. In a way, I sort of respect their deep-seated jerkiness. It’s refreshing to see a group of people so committed to sharing their seething despair. Way to represent the blatant idiocy of your constituents, gentlemen. You are who we thought you were, nice job. A Florida representative voted “no” but he's also Philadelphia refugee so he’s sort of a de facto jackass.

What is worth discussing is the fifth “no” which came from Rep. Marion Berry (Ark.). Nice to see the former D.C. mayor has picked up new gig. How exactly did the word "no" come out of his lips, what with the crack pipe typically inhabiting that real estate? Bitch set me up, indeed. Oh, this is a different Marion Berry? Seriously? The Arkansas based Berry's take is as follows,"I am generally opposed to congressional resolutions congratulating sports teams when they are the only reason members have been required to return to Washington to vote for that day. While the success in any sporting event is a source of great pride for all who played a role in the victory and their supporters, these resolutions are far less urgent than the many other important challenges facing our nation, such as job creation and our economy." Now please pass the crack. Right, wrong dude.

Well said Representative Berry. Note to Congress, stop wasting your time and ours with these dopey resolutions. Only you think you're clever. Now can we have some our money back, please?

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