By Brian Beckner:
Things apparently aren’t going so well for Japan’s national pastime.![]()
From the AP:
Sumo is more than a sport to Japan. It's like a religion, a bastion of traditional culture and a matter of national pride. Wrestlers aren't just athletes — they are icons, role models and, often, larger-than-life heroes.
Unless, of course, they are getting busted for smoking marijuana, breaking noses in drunken brawls or hobnobbing with gangsters.
And, these days, that's pretty much all the time.
Um, that’s it? That’s what they’re mad about? Have they heard of the NFL?
These types of “offenses” are required skills for players in today’s NFL. Get back to me when one of these “athletes” kills someone in a DUI, shoots up a “scrip” club or rapes a co-ed (ALLEGEDLY) (who are we kidding?).
How is it illegal to smoke weed in professional Sumo? Isn’t part of the deal being, you know, a larger individual? Doesn’t weed kind of help with the appetite? Does Sumo consider pakalolo a performance enhancer?
Here’s the worst part of Sumo (besides the omnipresence of sickeningly obese nude men). The new recruits are taken from their families as pre-teens to live in Sumo camps where they can be trained by the older “wrestlers,” and also serve as their man-servants. Does this strike anyone else as being a bit unsavory?
Look Sumo, we get it, you’re very old and traditional but times have changed. Stop having underage dudes sponge your folds. Stop hanging around with the Sopranos of Northern New Jersey. Stick to what you do best: consuming mass quantities of grub, rolling around naked with the other giant powdery fat dudes and dying at age 41.
The decision (again) - AllStar Game that no one watched and a guy miterates on a golf course.
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Go ahead, give it a try. In fact, I dare you. See if you can find a better picture that this one.
1. Why did they remove Lee Trevino's face and replace it with a dried up apple that someone left in the sun for 49 days?
2. Why is Tiger looking at John Daly like that? At least Daly married all of the freaks that he rolled with.
3. I'm pretty sure Roberto de Vincenzo has no idea who these guys are.
4. Padriag Harrington borrowed Kirk Hinrich's spoon to cut his hair and he still has the best cut of any of the Euro entrants.
5. Tom Watson looks wildly uncomfortable with the fact that Tiger is behind him. Joslyn James, he isn't.
The list of baseball injuries is as long as it is stupid. Tommy Lee long and Mick Vick stupid. I am not talking torn ACLs or broken legs. I am not talking about torn rotator cuffs or Tommy John elbows. I am talking about guys hurting themselves carrying deer meet, (Clint Barmes) or combing their hair (Mike Marshall). I am talking about ball players hurting themselves while playing video games, riding in cabs or using a Q-Tip. All of that happened and that is only the beginning.
Ball players have scratched their eyes on feathers, nearly cut off their fingers opening CD’s or cutting the hedges, ruined their arms carrying bags of watermelon, or missed games because of the way they eat sunflower seeds. All true.
Add this one to the list.
I don’t know where it would fall on the ‘Stupid Meter’, but I know that it is on there. Probably somewhere between breaking a finger relaxing in a recliner, or burning yourself with an iron by holding it to your face to see if it is hot, also both true.
Chad Rogers, a player recently drafted by the Cincinnati Reds was bitten by a shark while surfing in Galveston, TX. He needed 60 stitches in his foot and missed a scheduled throwing session with the team. While the shark bite is certainly not his fault, his thought process after the attack earns him a spot on the list.
Rogers says that he plans on going back into the water, and will only stay out of he gets bitten a second time.
Genius. I get the whole, ‘horse, get back on it’ thing. Or at least I do if it is a horse and not a shark. Maybe the next time the shark decides it wants more than an appetizer. Maybe the shark is looking for a full entree the next time around. It’s a freaking shark attack, you really want to give it another chance?
Consider yourself lucky, never get in a swimming pool, much less an open body of water for the rest of your life. Get on the mound and go be a major league pitcher.