Friday FACTS #FACT

By Brian Beckner:

Facts on a Friday. Remember, these are not one man’s opinion, but rather indisputable, iron clad, unassailable FACTS.

Brett Favre shocked the world by coming out of retirement for at least the 47th time. At this point if you’re still a fan of Brett Favre, your name is probably Brett Favre. FACT.

Brett Favre loves him some him. FACT.

Rex Ryan’s rampant use of profanity is being questioned. Rex Ryan’s rampant use of Chips Ahoy continues to rage unchecked. FACT.

Roger Clemens is one of the dumbest guys ever. FAAAAAYYYYAAAAACT. Roger Clemens has one of the stupidest haircuts of anyone not name Kirk Hinrich.  FACT.

He is so dumb that he might legitimately use the Pedro Guerrero “I’m too stupid to be a criminal” defense in court. He is seriously that dumb. Pedro Guerrero dumb. FACT.

Kenny Chesney may or may not be canoodling (canoodling?) with a sideline reporter. FACT.

Kenny Chesney has the head of an infant attached to a 12-year-old’s body stuffed into a ten-year-old’s jeans. He also makes putrid country pop music. Despite those obvious hindrances Kenny Chesney still somehow slays women like he’s George Clooney. FACT.

'Slaying' is a great way to say 'sexing'.  FACT.

Francisco Rodriguez tore a ligament in his hand when he decided it was a good idea to speedbag his old lady’s old man. (Baby Grandpa?) The Mets think this means they won’t have to pay him. FACT. They will end up paying him anyway.  FACT.

K-Rod is a member of the most powerful union in the history of unions. Bud Selig could show up with an army of Pinkertons and K-Rod would still get paid. FACT.

LeGarrette Blount  likes to punch people in the face.  FACT. He will punch an opponent, a teammate, a coach, random strangers on the street.  FACT.

Bobby Valentine is an insufferable jackass.  FACT.

Antonio Cromartie has three 3-year olds and they are not triplets.  FACT. Antonio Cromartie had trouble remembering the names of his own children.  FACT. Antonio Cromartie went to Florida State.  FACT. Antonio Cromartie is now claiming that an HBO director told him to pause between names of his kids.  FACT. No one believes this.  FACT. Antonio Cromartie is the most compelling person in the NFL.  FACT. Antonio Cromartie is the world's worst father.  FACT. Antonio Cromartie is awesome.  FACT. Antonio Cromartie's children have no chance in life.  FACT.

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K-Stupid Out For Season #MLB

Mets closer and designated, ‘common-law father-in-law puncher-in-the-facer’, Francisco Rodriguez will miss the rest of the season after tearing a ligament in his right throwing thumb while trying to knock out his child’s grandfather’s teeth.

He will be done for the rest of the season and the Mets are exploring the possibility of terminating the remainder of his contract, which is valued at over $25 million over the next two years.

Good.

It will never happen. Never. That said, it should. It’s hard to argue on the behalf of billionaire owners and corporations, but they have no teeth in these situations. None.

Francisco Rodriguez did something colossally stupid; it damaged his team; and he should not get his money. That’s how it should go. He is paid to pitch and now he can’t because he thought caving in an old man’s grill was a better use of his thumb than throwing very hittable sliders.

K-Stupid will get away with it too. The players' union never loses these cases. Their members get to do whatever they want, no matter how stupid or criminal, and continue to cash checks. Baseball doesn’t need to go back to the pre-Curt Flood days, but it wouldn’t kill anyone if the owners could actually punish stupid, violent players.

You give a guy a huge deal, and he ends up being crappy, that’s the chance you take. But if the guy puts himself out of commission because he can’t resist the urge to slug a family member, you should be able to fire his ass.

K-Dumb shouldn’t get shown to the door because he has lost it (he has), that’s just an added benefit. If players don’t want to be worried about getting jammed out of guaranteed money, don’t punch people, don’t get arrested, and don’t violate your contract. Follow that, and it is all good.

Favre Returning to Vikings #NFL

According to Fox Sports Jay Glazer, Brett Favre has told a few members of the Vikings that he is 'back in' and is on a plane headed for Minneapolis.

Right.

Carry on.

Bubba Watson’s Belt #PGA

I know one guy who is thrilled that Dustin Johnson didn’t know the rules of the game yesterday, and that’s Bubba Watson. Because if Johnson was the story, it would have been Watson and his decision to go for the green from the rough on the third and final playoff hole.

Watson had a borderline, impossible shot after a bad drive on 18, and instead of laying up and then trying to hit his third shot close and make a putt, he went for it, rinsed it in the water, and essentially saw his chances of winning the tournament vanish.

"Before you ask, if I had it to do over again, I would hit it every day," Watson said. "I play to win a golf tournament. I don't play to lay up and hopefully make a par and tie or win. I went for the win and I'd do it over again, just like I did earlier in the day."

If you would hit it ‘everyday’, than you are even dumber than your white pants, belt and shoes would indicate. Why? So you could lose every time?

Kaymer made five in case you have forgotten. Five means you get to play another hole. No extra points for being ballsy. Did David Toms not really win the PGA in 2001, because he laid up to do it?

I know you hit it 900 yards off the tee, but the six inches between your ears is what is costing you majors.

I don't play to lay up and hopefully make a par and tie or win

Think about that. The whole ‘or win’ part. Isn’t that the idea? They don’t add bonus points for winning with crazy play. Win is a win is a win. We all like seeing guys take crazy chances and trying to hit the ball over water, around trees, and under branches, but you needed to chop that ball out, lay it up and win the damn event.

Because I know you want it, here is a five point plan on how you can close the deal the next time you get in contention to win a major championship.

1. No white belts.
2. No white pants.
3. Stop stealing visors from Tiger Woods’s mother.
4. Lay up on the final playoff hole of a major when your opponent is in similar trouble, and there is water in front of the green, and a four will almost certainly win, and a five will almost certainly allow you to keep playing.
5. No white belts.

You’re welcome.